hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
