Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
