dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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