tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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