i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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