Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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