Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
