I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
