That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
