I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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