proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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