Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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