why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
