im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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