i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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