why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
