Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
