Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
