I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
