she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
