Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
