She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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