were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
