Apparently you make a good broom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
