the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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