whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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