she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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