You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
