New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
