Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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