I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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