Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
