Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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