He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
