Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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