It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
