I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
