I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just had sex on a roof
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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