You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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