I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you had me at cake vodka
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
