i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
