don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
