I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
