and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
