i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
