i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
