I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
