So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
