Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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