Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
