shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
