I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you didnt know i had herpes?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
