found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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