if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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