Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
