i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
