As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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