I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
