you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
